We are in a series at church on Psalms. Tim Keel is using Walter Brueggemann's categories of Orientation, Disorientation and Reorientation. Today we focused on Psalm 88, obviously a Psalm of Disorientation. I was pretty much a mess. I wrote in my book Presence Centered Youth Ministry about the reality that we cannot have good faith without good doubt. The Psalmist of this chapter is definitely wrestling with doubt and abandonment. Psalm 88 always messes with me deeply because I associate it to Jesus imprisonment in the High Priest Caiaphas's Prison on the night before his crucifixion. In the excavations of Caiaphas' palace, next to St. Peter's in Gallacantu, you can see the places where Jewish prisoners were kept. There is a pit in which Jesus was likely detained for the night until he could be escorted to the Antonia Fortress to stand before Pontius Pilate. I have spent hours in this pit meditating on Psalm 88 and it is hard for me not to imagine that this Psalm was on Jesus mind during this dark night of the soul.
"O LORD, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry. For my soul is full of trouble and my life draws near the grave. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like a man without strength... You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, O LORD, every day; I spread out my hands to you... Why, O LORD, do you reject me and hide your face from me? From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death; I have suffered your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend.
So Tim's message hit hard. Tim, Deth Im and I have gone through some discussions lately about our strengths and weaknesses using StrengthFinders. One of my strengths is Achievement. I love to get things done. However, I feel overcome and often controlled by this strength, like it possesses and drives me. Lately, I've wondered if this strength has the potential to do me in. God save me from myself. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I have been feeling quite disoriented these days. Additionally, there are a few relationships in my life that are broken and I've lost hope that they will be healed. Disorientation... yes, I can relate to the Psalmist... I feel trapped wondering if I can break free. And yet, I grasp on to faith... I choose to believe that God will restore and heal... that God can help me be more human by embracing my strengths without letting them strangle me... I hope, I pray, I call to you, O Lord, come to my assistance.
So, as I prepared to retire to sleep (also something that I don't do so well) I saw the following video (thanks to my friend Rustin Smith). It is a video featuring my favorite Coldplay song Fix You performed by Young@Heart. Being so disoriented you would think that this video would push me into full blown depression, but it stirred up faith and hope in me. Try to keep your composure while watching Bob sing this song. It was supposed to be a duet but his singing partner allegedly died a couple weeks before this was performed. If you want to hear Tim's message go here.
After you watch this... pray the prayer under the video.
Today I believe
Lord, you have always given Bread for the coming day, And though I am poor, Today I believe. Lord, you have always given Strength for the coming day, And though I am weak, Today I believe. Lord, you have always given Peace for the coming day, And though of anxious heart, Today I believe. Lord, you have always kept Me safe in trials, And now, tried as I am, Today I believe. Lord, you have always marked The road for the coming day, And though it may be hidden, Today I believe. Lord you have always lightened This darkness of mine, And though the night is here, Today I believe. Lord, you have always spoken When time was ripe, And though you be silent now, Today I believe.
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