Mike King

The Demise of Guys?

The topic of the demise of guys is being increasingly being discussed.  If a prominant Christian leader, psychologist or sociologist was behind this data it would be dismissed by many as moralizing.  However, the article on CNN's website entitled, "The Demise of Guys: How Video Games and Porn are Ruining a Generation," is from world-renowned Psychologist Dr. Philip Zimbardo is a professor emeritus at Stanford University.

Zimbardo believes the consequences of pornography and excessive gaming "is creating a generation of risk-averse guys who are unable (and unwilling) to navigate the complexities and risks inherent to real-life relationships, school and employment."

Read the full article here.

Zimbardo has also released a book with artist and psychologist Nikita Duncan entitled, "The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It."

Zimbardo has also been featured in the following mini-TED talk discussing this same subject.

Bullying! How We Should Respond?

 “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Jesus Christ

One of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced in my four decades of youth ministry was to serve as a Pallbearer for the funeral of one of a 13-year-old boy in my youth group.  Paul was the victim of repeated bullying by a large group of peers that tragically left Paul with the mistaken conclusion that his reality was too unbearable and he chose to end his own life.  This happened nearly 30 years ago.  Unfortunately, bullying has gotten much worse in the last ten years.

Right now the movie documentary Bully, along with several highly publicized  cases involving tragic results because of bullying among teenagers, has created a heightened awareness of the frightening dynamic of this issue in our culture.

Working with adolescents, we regularly hear stories of young people who everyday have to deal with being bullied.  Everyday, hundreds of thousands of young people have to deal with the fear of attending school where they know they will be bullied.  It’s estimated that an average of more than 150,000 young people stay home from school everyday to avoid being bullied.  Most of the time this occurs without parents being aware that it’s happening to their child. 

Bullying involves acts of repetitive negative behavior of a person or persons toward another person or persons that is aggressive and intimidating in nature.  Bullying can take the forms of emotional, verbal, and/or physical abuse.  Bullying can be a one-on-one issue but most often it involves a collaborative group engaged in peer abuse directed at one or more individuals.

Research reveals that young people who are regularly bullied face an increased risk of mental health issues.  Depression, anxiety, lack of motivation, despair, helplessness, and suicidal thoughts prevail among those who are dealing with being perpetually bullied. In addition to thinking about harming themselves, some begin to fanaticize about hurting their tormenters.  According to a report by the Secret Service, two-thirds of students who participated in school shootings were victims of bullying at school that had reached the level of self-described “torment.”

Mona O’Moore of the Anti-Bullying Centre at Trinity College in Dublin, has written, "There is a growing body of research which indicates that individuals, whether child or adult, who are persistently subjected to abusive behavior are at risk of stress related illness which can sometimes lead to suicide."

In addition to aggressive and physical actions that intimidate and harm the victims of bullying there are new forms of bullying that have emerged through social media.  This type of Cyber-bullying attempts to socially isolate the victim by spreading rumors, name calling, threatening, criticizing, manipulating, ostracizing, etc. through a variety of social medias, including Facebook, Twitter, and whatever new social media tools emerged last week, along with those that will surface this week.

According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, One in five teenagers are harassed regularly online. Almost one-half of all teenagers have experienced some form of online harassment. More than one-third (37%) of teens admit to using social networking sites to victimize and harass their peers.

Before we, as adults, rest in the idea that we have moved beyond the ability to bully, let me suggest that we may not engage in the overt bullying actions of adolescents but we must ask ourselves if we have not just adopted more sophisticated forms of bullying – gossip, character assassination, ostracizing, sabotaging, and exclusionary behavior toward others.

When Jesus was asked what it means to truly be his follower he says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself” Luke 10:27.  He then tells one of the best-known stories called the parable of the Good Samaritan in order to explain and explore the heart of what it means to be a genuine follower of Christ.  In this parable Jesus commends the man who comes to the rescue and takes care of a victim of extreme bullying.  We must stand up for those who are being bullied. Christians must speak up.  We have to take action concerning this issue

What is Youthfront doing about this issue?

• Teaching young people to treat all people with respect and the love, grace and mercy of Jesus Christ.
• Teaching young people the Golden Rule taught by Jesus, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Matthew 7:12
• Teaching and mentoring young people the importance of defending and standing up for the marginalized victims of bullying.

What can parents do?

• Talk to your kids about bullying.
• Go see the movie Bully with your age appropriate kids.
• Educate yourself on your kid’s world, their friends and the social environments they spend time in.
• Be appropriately curious of your kid’s social media world.

I believe that we have a window of opportunity created by this movie Bully and the media’s attention on this issue to double down our effort to radically alter the reality of bullying in our culture.  This, I believe is something that the followers of Jesus and God’s church must passionately engage in.  We must do this for our kids.

Resources                                                                                                                                          The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, www.cpyu.org                                                          Wikipedia

Kings of Kauffman

My friend Ethan Bryan, is a youth worker who has a passion for writing.  Several times Ethan has become discouraged in his attempt to get published.  He has written some good stuff for the Immerse Journal and has contributed to several other projects.  I always tell Ethan, if you are passionate about writing for the pure joy of it then you must keep writing even if no one ever reads your words.  Ethan is also passionate about baseball.  He is maybe the biggest baseball fan I've ever met, especially because he has never waivered on his love for the Kansas City Royals.

Well, Ethan is now writing for the blog called The Kings of Kauffman and I'm so happy for him.  Here is his latest post of a reflection on life through Royal's pitcher Charlie Leibrandt and I must say as a big baseball fan and a Royals fan, it's really good.

How to Be Alone

My son shared this video with me. Thank you Daniel, this is a beautiful video. Give yourself a gift and watch this, even better, embrace it's message and become more human.

Restoration

Let’s exchange these locked doors for newly, mopped floors

Abandoned places for sacred spaces

Let’s trade silence for singing Languishing for laughing

Let’s turn cracked concrete into green grass

Bored teenagers and boarded up windows into wide-eyed wonderers with wide-open futures

Let’s exchange negligence for neighborliness

Hostility for hope

Graffiti for gratitude

Let’s turn ‘unfit for human habitation’ into the beginning of our own emancipation

Written by friend and fellow Youthfront staff member Kurt Rietema about the work he's engaged in in the Argentine District of Kansas City.

busy, Busy, BUSY... disconnected and... LOST

Since arriving back in Spain I’ve had a crazy but great week.  Seven hours after the long flight from Barcelona, I got back on a plane to Philadelphia to gather with around 40 Non-Profit Ministry Leaders who believe the “Red Letters” of the Bible should not be ignored if we are going to declare that we are following and serving the Lord Jesus Christ.  It was a great time to connect with many friends, Gareth Higgins, Jacob Kuntz, Shane Claiborne, Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove, Hugh Hollowell, etc.  Our time was facilitated by several involved in the leadership of John Stott Ministries (it was excellent to hear John Stott stories so soon after his death), along with Tony Campola.  This was a valuable but exhausting trip.

I got back to Kansas City in time for our Family Fun Day at Youthfront Camp West last Saturday.  More than 300 Parents and campers came for a play day together.  It was amazing to hear stories from parents about transformation they have witnessed as a result of their kids coming to Youthfront camp.  The highlight of the day was experiencing Midday Prayer with these parents and their kids.  So many of them were deeply moved.  I love Youthfront’s practice of fixed hour prayer and I love to have guests enter into this time of prayer and worship with us.

Late in the afternoon, Vicki and I left Youthfront West for Youthfront South.  Where our church was gathered  for our annual Pilgrimage.  Once again, it was awesome to enter into Evening Prayer with our church community at Youthfront Camp.  The Pilgrimage was the first opportunity for Tim Keel to address the church since returning from New Zealand, SO GOOD.  On Sunday we worshipped with around 400 pilgrims.  We also baptized a dozen people in the swimming pool.           

The next morning (Monday), it was back to the airport for a one-day trip to Denver, Colorado to attend the funeral of Youthfront staff member, Jim Newberry’s mother.  I arrived seven hours before the funeral.  After working at a coffee shop for a couple of hours, I decided to take advantage of the unexpected Jeep rental car I was assigned.  I headed up into the mountains above Boulder and ended up off road.  I had a really good map on my phone that would help me navigate some very scenic mountain roads.  After traveling for a half hour off the paved roads, the road turned to more of a path and became more and more rugged.  I hugged the side of these mountain passes with frightening drop offs just feet from the edge.  I was hoping to cut through to another canyon, which had a paved road but I lost my map because I was now out of service with my cell phone.  Being off the grid in every way, with an increasingly narrow path and no place to turn around got my adrenaline pumping.  I started to worry that I might get lost (wait, I was lost) and would miss Jim’s mom’s funeral.  As  the sweat on my hands made steering challenging and the anxiety level increased to the point that I was shaping my narrative to account for the horrendous blunder I had made in missing the funeral that I had flown to Denver to attend, I found a small space to turn around.  I agonized about the possibility that just around the next bend may be the civilized road I’m trying to find.  I thought about the half hour back track I would have to make and hope that I didn’t branch off on a fork that would lead me further into lostness.  I made the turn and eventually made it back to the asphalt road I had left an hour before. 

As I became confident that the original asphalt road was just ahead and I was about to return to a level of confidence that I would, in fact, make it to the funeral, I began to think about the situation I had been in.  Although I was traversing new and unknown territory, I was not lost because my GPS revealed a map that showed even the little trail roads I was traveling on.  However, when I lost my connection, I lost my way.  I lost my confidence and sense of well-being.  It occurred to me that when I’m away from my Youthfront and Jacob’s Well Communities (my faith community), and when I’m away from the shared experience of praying with my community, I feel disconnected from God and from my sense of well-being and rootedness. 

Summer is a time when our staff spreads out in multiple locations to engage in intense ministry.  It is amazing ministry that results in transformation through Christ for hundreds and hundreds of young people but I feel a bit lost and disconnected.  While I’m thankful for the ministry results, I’m not sad that summer is over and our season of separation has ended.

Are You Willing to Change?

“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19

"Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins.
If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."
Matthew 9:17 .

“In times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists” Eric Hoffer

An eventful week...

We started last week with a wonderful worship gathering at Jacob's Well and spent the rest of the afternoon at Cameron Philgreen's High School Graduation reception with a lot of friends, family and students involved in our ministry.  Cameron is working on Youthfront Camp summer staff this summer and becoming a Jayhawk this fall.  What a stud.

On the way home our son and daughter-in-law, Micah and Anne, came by our house and we ate dinner together.  We got word that President Obama was addressing the nation later that evening.  The media heads were off with speculation that initially scared the hell out of those watching.  All four of us went immediately to the internet, three of us to  Twitter and one to Facebook, where quickly we had a hunch that OBL was dead, about an hour before TV media started talking about it.  I got on the phone or texted a couple dozen friends and family to make sure they were tuned in.  One of those nights we won't ever forget.  

Monday, always starts with a Youthfront All Staff Sit-down meeting.  We do some type of spiritual practice together, read an extended text of Scripture, prayer practice, etc. followed by sharing highlights of our previous week and discuss what's coming up in the week ahead.  Kate Obermueller trumped the day by announcing her engagement to Kyle Unruh.  So happy.  

Later in the day Chris Folmsbee, Mark Matlock and I met on several things, YS Palooza coming to KC next Spring, Publishing, future of YS, partnership, Theological Track, Ministry to Parents, etc.  Great time and exciting days ahead for youth ministry training, relationships and resourcing.  

Tuesday started early with a 6:30 am meeting with Mike Wilhote, a school principle, and a Youthfront Board candidate.  Mike is a Wheaton Grad, progressive, has the same first name as me and same non-hair style, so I'm sure it's going to be good, except for the fact that he's a damn Yankee fan.  Lunch on Tuesday was spent at Bucca's on the Plaza  with our team of wonderful Youthfront Administrative Assistants.  We also celebrated Tammy Nuckolls birthday.  Tuesday night, I went to the Royals game to watch  a great victory over the Orioles with youth pastor Ethan Bryan.  We had an awesome time together.

Wednesday was packed with meetings, writing, planning and scheduling.  I got a tour of our new Something to Eat warehouse and packing area completed by Ray Zuercher, Austin Averill, Sam Thiesmann and others.  Awesome setup.  Also, I finished reading and writing an endorsement for the upcoming book The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry by Kenda Creasy Dean and Andy Root.  I'm so excited about this book.  This is a very important book and I wish I could talk more specifically about it but we will have to wait until November.  If you are a youth pastor, PLEASE preorder this work and start reading it on day one of its release.  Also,  if you are a Pastor (senior, preaching, administrative, formational, whatever type of pastor or church leader) or a ministry leader or just a thinking Christian -- pre-order this book.

Thursday was our monthly formational day for Youthfront Staff.  This was the last one before summer ministries take us to a dozen different directions, so our plan was to celebrate together by tailgating and attending a Royals day game together.  Unfortunately, we woke up to rain, so we found a shelter to wait out the rain delay.  We ate and played under the huge shelter at Swope Park and then headed over to Micah and Jessica house to consume Murray's Ice Cream.  Half of us, (diehard Royals fans) went to the game as the clouds cleared and the sun appeared.  We were treated to a 9-1 Royals shellacking of the Baltimore Orioles.  

Thursday was also Cinco di Mayo so after a productive early evening Wild Goose Board Meeting, our son Daniel and granddaughter Lexi joined us for dinner at Rancho Grande Cantina.  We had a really good time together.  

On Friday we had an all day Youthfront Executive Team meeting.   We started at Broadway Cafe (best coffee in KC) and dealt with upcoming leadership and program issues before relocating to McCoy's outdoor deck for lunch and a discussion about future Youthfront Goals and objectives.  The weather was beautiful and the dialogue was energetic.  In the afternoon, I shut down the meeting to take the team to the movie Of God's and Men.  "Under threat by fundamentalist terrorists, a group of Trappist monks stationed with an impoverished Algerian community must decide whether to leave or stay."  This is a true story and was timely for a couple of reasons.  First, the current conversation concerning a Christians response to terrorism (OBL).  Secondly, the movie is a story of community and doing life together which we endeavor to do with our Youthfront community.  Excellent movie.

At 4:00 pm Friday afternoon we started a ten hour party to celebrate the 30th birthday of Anne King, our daughter-in-law.  We began at happy hour in McCormick and Schmick's, followed by a gathering at the Sheraton Suites on the Plaza as more revelers joined the celebration.  We had unlimited Trolley Passes and began a roving party through Mid-town KC.  Through First Friday's, KC Power and Light Entertainment District (loved watching the Royals game on the jumbo tron there), Martini Corner, Westport, Plaza, Waldo, etc.  The entourage filled a trolley at each stop and we had a really good and fun time.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNE.

Because it was such a late night, Vick and I stayed at Micah and Jessica's house.  We got up and did what we love to do on Saturday mornings when we are in town - go to the City Market in downtown KC.   The best market in the country.  We went to Summit Hill and had crepes at Chez Elle Creperie and Coffee House.  Ahhh, felt like we were in France.  The weather was so amazing, low humidity and 80 degrees, a beautiful Spring Day.  Vicki headed back to Blue Springs and I went on a 14 mile run from Youthfront (Woodside Club) through Plaza, Loose Park (stopped long enough to read the Battle of Westport historic signs), to the Trolley Trail, out to south KC and back.  I stopped several times to talk to friends I encountered along the way.  Felt so good. 

Vicki took her mom to a mother-daughter banquet.  I met my mom and dad at the Trio Cafe on the Country Club Plaza for a great dinner followed by a movie at the Tivoli.  We saw Win Win.  So good.  It was a wonderful way to top off a great week, hanging with Mom.  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.  And the Royals got another walk off win.

 

 

Symmetry

This came to my attention through Aaron Mitchum via Chris Folmsbee...

 

Symmetry from Everynone on Vimeo.

My God, why have you forsaken me?

On March 9th I found myself prostrate on the ground (as is my custom) in front of the altar at Jacob's Well before the Ash Wednesday service preparing for what I hoped to be another meaningful season of Lent.  The reality for me during Lent this year has been, for the most part, a time of distraction, not distracted by bad things but by things that have made it challenging to submerge deeply into the significance of Lent.  However, the last two weeks have been quite extraordinary.  I have had the privilege of leading four Seder Meals for nearly 500 participants.  During this Holy Week I led two Seder Meals at Hillcrest Covenant Church.  What a wonderful opportunity. 

One of the Seder meals I led last week was for our Youthfront Staff (table pictured here).  Every month we do an all staff spiritual formation experience together.  Our meal together was deeply meaningful.  

Yesterday was my 54th Birthday and I spent a good part of the day in tears.  The first tears of the day were quite unexpected.  I was sideswiped during my drive to our Youthfront offices by the hauntingly beautiful harmonies of The Civil Wars and their rich and raw lyrics.  (I'm seeing them tonight live at the Bottleneck in Lawrence with dozens of friends)

Mid-morning I left the office to attend Chapel Services at Nazarene Theological Seminary.  Our Seminary President, my dear friend and a real mentor to me was scheduled to speak and lead in a Eucharest Service.  This has been some kind of Lenton season for Dr. Ron Benefiel and his lovely wife Janet.  On Ash Wednesday they received word that the cancer that they thought had been eradicated from her body had returned.  As a result of the challenges ahead of them Ron has resigned from NTS and will be returning to Southern California where their family is located.

I did not want to miss hearing from Ron as he was wrapping up a series on the book of Philippians. I knew that this would be one of the last times he would preach.  The combination of Lent, the Benefiel's journey through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and Ron's resignation created the context for a transformative experience.  

There is no way to describe how theologically and spiritually profound the chapel experience was.  Ron spoke of how quickly we Evangelicals move to the Resurrection of Jesus without going deep into the reality of crucifixtion, suffering, death, despair and silence.  There is no room for nice platitudes about death in the Christian faith.  Death is our enemy and will be the last enemy to be vanquished by God.  Really "knowing Christ and the power of his resurrection" involves the "fellowship of his sufferings."  Yes, we have a God who entered fully into the despair of the broken human experience (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?), we have a Crucified God (Luther) who is "for us" all the way.

Sharing Eucharist with Ron and Janet Benefiel along with all those gathered for this amazing time of worship was overwhelming.  I am so thankful that I went.  I lingered after the chapel was over to talk with several friends.  As I was getting ready to leave and wrapping up a conversation Ron walked by and asked me to stop by his office before I left.  We ended up having lunch together and spent several hours in rich conversation about life, death, theology, and friendship.  This was such a gift to me during this Holy Week.  

Dr. Ron Benefiel's departure from NTS is not just a loss for the Seminary, it is a significant loss for the Christian community in Kansas City and for the entire region.  Ron and Janet will be sorely missed.